Mirror, Mirror

       I have been going through a rough time recently. I look into the mirror, and I don't like what I see.

       Maybe it’s because I am turning 46 later this week. But it seems to be more authentic than that.

       No matter how much sleep I get, I have dark circles under my eyes. While looking at them, I can also see that I have fine lines around my eyes. It seems to me that my skin is looking dull and that my hair is flatter than usual. 

       On our recent travels, I was feeling so bad about my appearance that I sometimes moaned on looking in the mirror, and I had to review each photo Tom took of me on our digital camera to see if I should delete it immediately, before it became part of the “official record” of our trip.

       It may have been in part because it was raining lightly during much of our vacation – which left my hair droopy or frizzy or both. Also, my eyeliner (my most essential piece of make-up) disappeared from our hotel bathroom during our first day in Tunisia.

       I have to say that I didn’t mind that much that the eyeliner was taken. Although the President/Dictator of Tunisia (“elected” to his fifth five-year term, without opposition, only a few days after we left the country) is somewhat of an advocate of women’s liberation and is opposed to women wearing headscarves, the fact is that perhaps half of the Tunisian women we saw were wearing them and were also covered at least in dull-colored, high-necked and long-sleeved clothing. Tom and I figured that if one of these women, concealing much of herself, wanted some good quality eyeliner to make her eyes more attractive, surely she could have it. At the same time though, I did miss doing my own eyes.

       I wasn’t shy about telling Tom about how bad I was feeling. And I must say that he totally rose to the occasion. If I said I was feeling unattractive, he would reply that I looked beautiful. Out of the blue, he would tell me that I was a “hot chick” or a “supermodel” – neither of which I believe, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it over and over again all the same.

       Still, I continued to feel bad – and still do, now that we are home. 

       And I think now that perhaps it is time to pay a bit more attention to how I look – or how I feel about how I look. 

       I haven’t done much to date to address the fact that I am indeed growing older. I don’t use eye cream or any “anti-wrinkle” products. I don’t use moisturizer at night, and during the day, wear the same moisturizer that I started using 20 years ago. I really do not look after my hair well enough. I have been doing home coloring since we moved, and continue to spend more money on Olympia's grooming that I do on my own.  

       And other than my too-brief foray into channeling Audrey Hepburn, I have not been paying much attention to my personal style. 

       I don’t think I can stand it any longer. 

       Although it may sound like a shallow resolution, I feel I really should start taking better care of my looks. 

       I hope that by the end of this month, I’ll start feeling better about myself...